


Footprints in the Sand

by didsomeonesayventus



Series: I Was a Bitter Dusk and You Were the Dawn So Sweet [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (as soon as I can think of some lol), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I continue to be s h i p p i n g t r a s h, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7521349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re a seashell... Destined to be reborn as a beach, weathered smooth into the finest sand. I am... only footprints in such sand... wiped away... never there...”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Footprints in the Sand

Kairi was there when the impossible happened, but she honestly hadn’t contributed much more than one largely ignored voice amongst several others. She could still remember how once the man standing next to her wouldn’t even be getting within a hundred feet of her, the way he handed over his coat like a peace offering, the way everyone had stared when he uttered those simple words:

“I am no longer affiliated with my future self.”

It’d been a long week where she largely didn’t see how much this Xehanort held to his change, mostly because everyone was keeping them away from each other like sodium and water. After all, a Princess of Heart in the same room as the guy who wanted to hunt her down just a short time ago left too many dubious, scary moments.

And yet here they were, suddenly standing in the same hallway with no one tugging them away or distracting them so they didn’t realize they slipped by each other. Kairi felt frozen in his gaze, because despite his change in attitude he was still dark and intimidating. She wondered if this is what everyone else thought of Riku when they said he was scary.

“... Princess.” He said with the smallest bow of his head. A sincere, if stiff, greeting.

Kairi tried hiding her discomfort by swinging herself into a flirty, carefree pose. One hand dangled and the other held its arm behind her back- flirty, but still so scared. “Xehanort.” She said back, just as stiff.

She almost did a double-take when his mouth twitched in the slightest smile, but couldn’t linger on it or make a remark before he passed her by.

*~...~*

Kairi had left her training steaming and with tears in her eyes. Too slow, not learning fast enough. Never fast enough and she had started so late. It was just a small offhand comment between Sora and Riku about how THEY knew all this stuff when she was lying there helpless, useless, a damsel. She didn’t see their faces when she stormed off to this abandoned hallway in the tower to sulk... and then bawl her eyes out.

“Those tears don’t suit your face.”

Her head whirled up, surprised. When was he here? She quickly wiped at her face, but soon gave up and shook her head, “I’m not crying.”

She was surprised when he sat down next to her with ample space between, “It’s alright, it’s expected for you to be in an emotional state.”

“Is that because I’m a girl?!” She barked at him.

He held up one hand, shaking his head, “No, no. I didn’t... mean it that way. I meant the stress of this whole situation.” He shrugged, “I doubt you trust me enough to tell me the exact source of your misery, but I do suppose you’ll believe me when I say no one will hear a word of this or an echo of your crying from me.”

The silence afterward burrowed into their skin and made it crawl.

They still hadn’t had much time to get to know each other. It was an oddity for him to be separated from Riku or Sora, and not exactly in a good way. They’d become decent friends, but more often than not Sora, Riku, or even both of them lingered in case the young master got any... ideas.

“Why are you here?” She asked.

He was silent for a long time. “Customary brooding, I suppose.” He chuckled, “I suppose we think alike in that respect.”

“Y-yeah I guess...” Kairi said, a little off-put. She hadn’t heard him laugh before, and she wasn’t sure if she should be chilled or amused. She watched him look away, one hand burrowing under his hair to rub the back of his neck. Did he feel awkward about it too, or was it just scratching an itch? Everything about him felt hard to read.

Why was there so much empty space and air between them?

“If you wanna know...” Kairi said slowly, measured. If she opened up first, maybe he’d do the same? “Training...” Her breath hitched, “T-training didn’t go so well today.” And within moments she was bawling again. Always behind, always not good enough, always sloppy, always-

A hand on her shoulder lifted her from such thoughts, “Um... I-I know this isn’t much coming from the same man who has derided you time and time again and caused much of what’s distressing you, but...” She stared at him as he swallowed and glanced around, “but I-I rescind each and every syllable. You truly… You… Kairi… Princess, I must acknowledge…” His words kept faltering. She couldn’t help but think that Sora was so much better at this level of intimacy and encouragement, but seeing Xehanort try it was almost endearing. “You learn quite fast. Almost as fast as myself.”

It ended on an almost egotistical note, but the look he held- the uncertain squint of his eyes and slanted brows with a crumpled mouth -said he was attempting to sound encouraging. He pulled his hand away suddenly, fiddling with his hands as he stared ahead to become lost in thought.

She tilted her head, “You really think so?”  
“W-well I mean you’re no paragon yet,” He said, and Kairi almost snorted at how he kept stammering, “But you’re almost as skilled as Sora was when he defeated Xemnas. Almost. I think I must acknowledge that’s impressive for a girl who’s spent most of her life as a damsel.”

He kept explaining it like it she had been ignored. Then again they had even told her: Xehanort hadn’t quite picked up how she had a Keyblade. She was unexpected. It made her proud how she could throw everything off and be a surprise, but there was also lingering sadness she couldn’t name.

“What am I even doing here...”

Kairi had been pulled from her thoughts again, this time much less purposefully. The listless, smushed-together sigh was almost incomprehensible and too quiet to make out, but she knew what he was saying. She looked at him. He didn’t even seem to notice, one eye pressing into his palm and the other closed. He also refused to speak anything more on the matter, because he had fallen completely silent.

She leaned back against the wall, pursing her lips in thought. She blinked a little, realizing her tears had dried. Because of him. Because he saw she was upset and rather than hurt her- there was no one here, ample room for him to mock her or express distaste at how they were letting someone so stupid and inexperienced save the world rather than leave it to people far more qualified -he comforted her.

Now it was her turn.

“Even if you will grow up to be Master Xehanort, you’re here now. Trying to fix your mistake before you even make it.” Sora and Riku had explained a little about time travel to her. She knew, eventually, Xehanort would have to return, and he would forget about the events that transpired while he was there with them. It was…kind of sad, when she really thought about it.

“I don’t know why you’re here, but fate chose you, and, honestly, I’m glad it did.”

He replied too fast, “You’re too kind.” Shortly after he sighed. She saw him fidget, blink.

“You can talk...” She suggested softly, “There’s no one here, and I won’t tell a soul unless you want me to.”

He stared at her. His eyes were liquid gold and mesmerizing, but also so dangerous. A gaze too narrow and too wide, too cold, too calculating.

“All that matters is I made a choice that I can only attempt to rectify.” He said, sharp as if he wanted to stop there, but he continued, “I have no chance this would actually change anything, Kairi.”

She shrugged, still not fully understanding but understanding enough to know that he could change something, “You’re helping us.”

The dam burst, words spilling from his lips in a sudden typhoon, “Is it meaningless to be on this side? Is it meaningless to side with my elder self? Is it meaningless to take any side now? What more can I do that can change anything fate has in store? I’m too steeped in shadow to become a Light, and I can’t undo anything that happened to you or your friends.”

He suddenly hissed… but it almost sounded like a sob, “I’m useless, Kairi.”

She didn’t see it that way. He was helping them, trying to do something good when he could have easily caved in to such... fatalistic ideas and fought for the wrong side. “You’re here and you’re trying.” She said.

“Does trying even matter when the outcome is the same?” He murmured.

“I think it does.” She said.

Xehanort was silent.

“Xeha-” She stopped herself, unsure of what to say. She then giggled, making him turn his head. “Xeha.” She explained, “I-I like the sound of that.” Her hand went to his shoulder- intending to give him comfort just like he had given her -but he quickly flinched away, tossing the hand off like it burned.

“Xeha...” He repeated it. “I suppose it works.” He stood and left, “It was pleasant chatting with you, Miss Kairi.”

*~...~*

They’d been able to hang out a teensy bit more as everyone’s unease eased up. Sora had always been a little more relaxed than everyone else, but now he was starting to list Xeha off as if he’d always been part of the team. Riku wasn’t glaring at him as much anymore. His new nickname had been well adopted to differentiate him and the real threat they faced.

It was Kairi’s idea to take him back to the islands, just for a break, and so here they were running around town. She showed him all the new places that had been added since he left... a lifetime ago, really. He stared at everything with eyes too wide, and no matter how cheery she tried to sound it wasn’t hard for her to see he was disturbed.

“There’s a historic district.” She said, grabbing his hand and leading him along, “Here, I bet that’ll be nicer for you.”

And it distinctly wasn’t. His look of shock faded into a vague disgust, and when Kairi pointed anything out he’d scoff and say he remembered, maybe go off on a quite negative tangent about something that had happened. She picked flowers along the way, rolling her eyes every now and then at his antics. She wished he wasn’t so bitter about everything. It’d make her job a little easier.

She paused. Where was he? She looked, and found him staring a derelict house she had already passed and expected him to do the same. No disgust or anger or frustration. Just pure shock now. The wind picked up his bangs, toying with them as he scanned the abandoned home.

“Oh, that place?” Kairi sauntered up to him, “Well, no one’s lived there-” Xehanort abruptly hopped the fence and walked up to the door. “... for years...”

He grabbed the knob, staring at the door even as he kept trying to open it to no avail. The old thing jittered and shook with his effort, but didn’t budge. His hand at his side was a tight fist. Something shone in his eyes. He was a statue now, standing there with his hand on the doorknob and staring into the empty space behind the door.

“It’s funny,” Kairi said, “Everyone’s tied that place with this ridiculous story,” she paused to giggle, “a-about this kid who left and...” she stopped laughing, “The kid who left and...” She stared at Xehanort, “... never came back.”

They sat there.

Xehanort let go of the door and they left.

*~...~*

Kairi didn’t even think someone like Xehanort knew how to braid. Let alone make such a lovely, intricate weave in her hair that left her breathless. She looked gorgeous?

“How on earth...” She mumbled into the mirror.

“Fishing.” Xehanort curtly replied, “You pick up a knack for knots.”

Kairi traced her fingers over the braids, a smile creeping onto her face. “Wow... you’re... really good.”

That was the first time she saw him genuinely smile, there in the mirror’s reflection just behind her.

*~...~*

“So you see, to make a good net you need to...” Xehanort kept explaining all these techniques to her, but when she raised her work it was a twisted lump of knots. He took the mess of rope and began untangling it, “Here, watch me.” She sat back in the sand, watching him pick apart everything and weave it together in a loose net with skill she hadn’t seen before.

He seemed too lost in the work to notice her get up, and he didn’t even seem to realize she was gone until he felt something brush his head, then flop onto his neck. Hibiscus and plumeria flowers woven into-

“That was supposed to be a crown!” Kairi laughed, “I’m sorry! I’m so used to making those for Sora and accounting for that mane of his!”

Xehanort picked up the necklace between two fingers, observing it with a sort of vague smile on his face while Kairi kept giggling. “It’s... ah... lovely.” He murmured.

*~...~*

He’d been looking for something in the closet when Kairi had walked up to him and asked about something. Sadly fate had other plans in store because someone mistakenly closed the door and they’d been locked into it now. Barely any leg room, dark, and the only way to make it comfortable was likely to hold each other.

Xehanort was surprised when Kairi complied with his idea, and wrapped her arms around him.

He turned his head, looking at the back wall, “So… how long do you think it’ll take? With not many caring about me and probably glad I’m gone, and then not many caring for you being out and about on the frontlines and preferring you to stay back and out of the action… I’d say quite some time. I wonder… just who it will be?”

“I don’t know.” She said softly, “I-I mean Riku and Sora are training, Lea’s taking a nap down the hall and you should know by now how deep he sleeps.”

“Let’s hope Lea pulls through, then.” Xehanort sighed. “I’d rather him find us than Riku.” Riku who was still so mistrustful, and justifiably so. Light knew what was going to happen if he found the two of them hugging.

“Yeah.” Kairi murmured. She then hesitantly set her head on his chest, mumbling, “Uh, Xeha do you mind if I...? I-it’s... more comfortable.” 

Getting comfortable, or something more? Xehanort felt his hands naturally coming to hold her close by her back, fingers tangling in bits of hair. His heart raced, his face felt feverish and sick to his stomach. It took him a moment to understand, but when he did, his eyes went wide.

He couldn’t be- He couldn’t-

No, he was.

The valiant princess and the reprehensible miscreant, he supposed. Perhaps the sickening guilt started there- he’d ruin her just as he had ruined everything else. Perhaps she was too good for him, he realized as he murmured, “I think this is more comfortable, too…” That was not the best route to turn her away. He felt her shift, sinking into the embrace, and he held to her a little tighter, clinging to the odd serenity he had found.

The shift in his hold was surprising to her, but not unwelcome. Kairi’s heart picked up pace, her face flushing even more than it already had been. With her ear pressed to his chest, she could hear his heart, which was almost beating as quickly as her own. Her mind was confused by the facts that her heart was telling her. Didn’t she feel this way about Sora?

No, she realized. Not really. Not anymore.

She took in one, shaky breath before she finally began to relax. His fingers running through her hair coaxed her eyes closed. Kairi was sure that, if they weren’t in a small, cramped closet, she could have easily fallen asleep like this.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled quietly against his chest, “I’ve, uh, caused you quite the bit of trouble since you joined us.” Their worry for her safety was the reason everyone was so defensive around him.

“Oh, no, it’s not your fault.” Xehanort sighed. “It’s just mine. My horrible decisions…”

He remembered Riku going off on him only a week or so ago. Xehanort had actually worried that he’d arm himself, but thankfully he understood that was extreme. Didn’t stop him from leaving a very clear message, though: Being there was fine. Being even barely close with one of his friends ushered in a death wish.

He couldn’t blame him, considering what he’d done to Sora and Riku himself.

He leaned his head back and slid down the wall as much as he could with a sigh and somehow-he swore he still had a few inches before he was at Kairi’s face -his lips ended up on Kairi’s nose. He froze, not meaning to make such a gesture. Worse, he’d gotten himself stuck like this. He swore, lips moving with a bare, breathless hiss.

Kairi giggled, actually liking the sensation of his lips just brushing the tip of her nose, and the way the swear escaped his lips like steam was adorable. But he was kissing her, that had to be an accident. Had to. Her giggle turned into full out laughter, trying to chase away how nervous she was.

He kept swearing, trying to back away, but no they were stuck like this because he couldn’t get the proper leverage to stand. She was laughing, and likely laughing at him.

“I-I’m sorry I- I thought- It’s hard to tell where one is when you can’t see a damn thing!” His heart was racing. Now that he was aware, the first thing her laugh made him think of was rejection. Pain. It didn’t make sense to love her, he’d have to go back and hearts would be broken to pieces. He’d spent so long trying to keep his heart safe, intact, and now here it had gone in the ultimate act of rebellion: sneaking its way into her arms until it could be called hers.

He kicked the door, yelling, “CAN SOMEONE FIND US ALREADY?!” He needed out. Out so he could breathe, so he wouldn’t be so vulnerable. Get out now before there was a chance to be hurt. He hadn’t felt himself panic this badly in so long, but all he wanted was out. Out out out.

Kairi was confused by the apology, and didn’t entirely realize what was going on until he kicked the door and yelled. She winced, unprepared for how loud his normally quiet voice could get. With a mild ringing in her ears, she tried to understand why he had said sorry and found the trail lead to the obvious. He thought she was laughing at him, and not in a good way.

“N-no wait, Xeha-” She moved her arms to place her hands on either side of his head, “Xeha I liked it!” She knew her cheeks were beyond red after saying that. Why did she admit that out loud?

Xeha stopped writhing and trying to escape, his turn to be confused. “Y-you- You-” He was speechless. He watched her with wide eyes, lips pressed and curled and bitten into a thin line. “Y-you’re just flattering me.” He said after a moment, “You just want to tell me what you think I want to hear to calm me down.” He looked away, “I-I’m sorry I just… sudden claustrophobia.” He withdrew his hands and hugged himself.

“Xeha, no.”

She reached up and put her hands softly on his cheeks, turning his head lightly so he was looking at her. “I’m not just telling you what you want to hear, I-I really did-” And then she paused. She lowered her hands when she realized that there was the possibility she had read him all wrong. Maybe he was upset that he’d kissed her at all, even one so small as a nose kiss. Maybe he was more upset with himself for doing it than upset at her for his reaction. Maybe he didn’t feel for her like she’d thought he had.

She pressed herself into the opposite wall, mumbling a quiet “I’m sorry,” before a sudden thought occurred to her. Kairi slid slightly into the corner of the closet, giving herself as much space as possible before she called her keyblade, shifting herself and bumping into the wall (and quite possibly Xehanort) before she could point it at the lock. She dismissed it as quickly as she had called it, her focus on the door and nothing else.

“We-We can go now.” She muttered quickly, not even waiting for his reaction before she pushed past him and opened the door, stumbling out of the closet.

She ran out before he could even speak.

He ran out after her, stopping to watch her speed down the hallway. His mouth finally worked, and he called out, “K-Kairi!” He took one step, “Kairi!” Another, reaching out his hand, “Kairi, please!”  
Xehanort paused. He was still scared, still wondering if he was getting this all wrong, but it seemed like she held similar sentiments. He remembered the softness of her hands on his cheeks, the concern in her gaze. And he had just wrecked it like always, hadn’t he?

“I-I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” He was reluctant to use the “L” word, “Please, stay.”

She paused, lingering. “D-don’t you have training to go to?” Her voice wavered and tears stung her eyes, “O-or maybe... I think I’m hearing Master Yen Sid calling for you.” Leave her. Leave her like everyone else did. She would be fine, she was used to it. It was another crack in her porcelain heart to fill in with gold.

Her words- choked with tears and struggling to stay -even struck a chord in his heart, but they didn’t completely sway him.

“I… I think someone else is.” He walked up to her, saying softly, “They’re kind, with eyes like gems glinting at the bottom of the sea, and their beauty is of both heart and body. A heart filled with fire, radiant, both compassionate and valiant, ready to burn those who misuse them and ready to warm their friends.”

He stopped only footsteps from her back, “C-can you guess who it is?”

Her mind wanted her to leave, but her heart wouldn’t allow it. She stayed, listening to his description, and wiping the escaping tears off of her own cheeks with her hands. Her heartbeat raced with hope, but she didn’t want to let it sway her. It could have been anyone. Anyone.

She sniffled, turning her head slightly so she could see him from the corner of her vision. A heart filled with fire. Well, there was only one person she could think of who would fit that description

“L-Lea?”

Xehanort didn’t even think it was possible to fail so miserably, “No! No… he’s too…” What was the appropriate word? “… Tactless, bawdy, uncouth, and his ego is the size of a good several worlds.” He walked around, brow furrowing at the sight of her disheveled, falling apart features. She was torn with grief, no doubt.

Xehanort swallowed his fear and knelt, taking her hand and gently kissing it, “You surely do not know, My Princess? What radiance I am in the presence of and struck blind by?” He bowed his head and braced himself for heartbreak.

Kairi laughed. She could only laugh some sort of odd mix of bitter sorrow and humor. This had to be a joke. She held her free hand to her mouth, refusing to look at him, “Me?”

Xeha winced. She didn’t think he meant any of it.

“Y-you’re the one flattering me,” Kairi said, “A-and I don’t know if I want to-” Oh she wanted to hear this. She needed to. If he really did think she- of all the people in these worlds-

His spare hand joined its twin and covered hers. He kept his head bowed, not sure what to take her surprise as.

“You.” He said simply, voice cracking at the prospect of her saying no.

The shock took a moment to pass, but, once it had, she smiled, tears of a completely different kind rolling down her cheeks. She knelt down to him, trapping both of his hands in-between her own and giving them a tight, reassuring squeeze. She leaned forward to press her lips to his forehead before leaning forward to pull him into a hug.

“Good.” Good didn’t even begin to describe it. It was amazing, fantastic, there wasn’t a word in all the worlds to explain how she felt. She held him tight because she- she really did love him. What else was the fluttering in her chest?

He found himself crying for a reason completely unanticipated. “Good”? Had she really said that? Still, he held her back, tight, burying his face in the crook of her neck, relishing her scent. He shook, and smiled, and cried. Emotions were still such an oddity to him but this called for those special words.

“I love you.” He murmured, “I love you… Be my stars, my sun, my moon, my light.”

She buried her face in his shoulder with a giggle, “Of course I will. I love you, too.”

*~...~*

For now they buried themselves in forgotten hallways, locked themselves in each other’s rooms to “study”. They kept tight lipped about their trysts and almost outright forbidden love, but slowly, slowly it became known.

They lingered on the roof and watched the stars, ran along the beach, woke up in each other’s arms. Granted, they still were kept separate for missions, but whenever they were together it was clear they couldn’t bear to separate. It was an odd sight to see the youth of the past smile so wide, laugh so hard, or struggle to contain either. It was odd to see her stand by the man who for so long had been chasing her, in a way.

For Kairi, she felt understood. He saw her for her, offered his advice and criticism with only truth and none of Sora and Riku’s fluff or gentleness. He saw her on equal- if not, higher -ground. He tried his hardest to help while he could and turn his back on his shadowed past. 

For Xeha, it was dizzying, addicting, wonderful. Her light became something he looked forward to, a dawn in a life too dreary to bear. She hoped and she understood and she never backed down or let herself stay where she was.

And every time they touched they couldn’t believe how every demon within them became silent.

...

Kairi had never run faster in her life.

“XEHA!” She wailed, “XEHA!!!”

Good had won, but for her it was no victory. She fell to the ground, and she felt her knees screaming as the barren earth scraped away the skin and tasted new blood, but she didn’t care. “Xeha...!” She sobbed, grabbing him and rolling him into her lap.

He winced, deeply, body arching and lips parting for a hiss between gritted teeth. The eye that could open did, “Kai... Kai... ri...”

“Hold on,” She whispered, cupping his face, hair pouring between them as magic danced on her fingertips and wiped away blood. The light was golden, but every flicker of green leaves made him look sicker and sicker. “Hold on, Xeha, okay? I-I can help you-”

“Prin...” His breaths rose and fell for a moment, a rapid, stumbling pant, “m’ stars... moon... s-sun...” A voice so deep and reassuring creaked like driftwood that had been tossed ashore too long.

“I know, I know... It hurts...” She could barely breathe, her eyes wanted to be stabbed out at the sight of him.

“You...?” He murmured.

“I’m fine.” Her arms wanted to fall off, her knees would be scabbed for eternities, her dress was stained crimson. Tears began falling when she blinked at the sight of darkness wafting off his form.

“Going back...” He sighed, shakily raising his hand and watching it.

“Y-you can’t-” Kairi made a grab for it, but her hand went through his. If you listened, perhaps you could hear her heart breaking in the way she gasped, the way she sobbed, tinkling like broken glass.

He smiled at her. “You... you’re a seashell...” He whispered, voice hoarse, fading in and out now as he flickered between this time and his own, “Destined... to be reborn as... a beach... weathered smooth into the... finest sand.” He looked away and closed his eyes, smile becoming bitter, “I... am only footprints in such sand... wiped away... never there...”

“You’re not!” She protested, “You’re not! Y-you- you get to join me!” She could feel it in the way everything about him slipped from her hands like sand in an hourglass. He couldn’t stay, he couldn’t be hers. Never was.

“Nothing... even foam has more substance...” He continued.

“Please, there has to be something!” She screamed at him. “There has to be a way!” She begged. Her hands clawed at him, trying to get him to turn back to her, look at her one more time, share one more kiss, “Please, I’m not ready to say goodbye!”

She could feel a ghost of his fingers against her lips, “Shh...” He looked at her with those beautiful eyes, no longer cold and lifeless but warm like molten gold. “Love another... for me...” He told her, “Move on... say goodbye...”

“Never.” She whispered, trying to hold his hand but only covering her mouth.

“Please... don’t... mourn... Tears do not... suit you...”

Time was up. 

He was gone.

She screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> HA HA I bet u guys thought I was ONLY SoXeha trash!!
> 
> anyways. say hi to what has won over my heart thx to my rp blog. Speaking of HUGE thanks to thalxssas on tumblr for being such a great Kairi partner and rolling in the pits of rarepairs with me. Personally I wanted to do this one to throw a bone to any nerd out there who also ships, but also to kinda explore a rough TIMEline (H A) of how things play out.
> 
> Anyways this managed to barely snug in under the 5k limit so I hope u nerds enjoy.


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